[Letter in Wastepaper Bin at Local Factory]
This is in regards to your competition to find the next The Next Teflon Boy.
First, I would like to express my true and deep sadness at the loss of Charlie, The First Teflon Boy. He was an inspiration to millions, including me, and he will be missed.
You may ask yourself why I show such interest in becoming Charlie’s successor. Perhaps I am unaware of the grisly details concerning his demise? I assure you, I am fully aware of the dangers, having kept a scrapbook of Charlie’s adventures; the newspaper investigation, the crime scene photographs, the articles in the medical journals. I am aware of these things and still I beg of you:
Make ME the Next Teflon Boy!
I believe you will find that I am an individual of exceeding quality, with an immune system robust enough to withstand the daily injection regimen and a work ethic that would make even ol’ Charlie proud, God rest his poisoned, deformed soul.
Enclosed, please find my resume (note 2 years experience in field) and various pictures of me in capes and such related outfits.
PS. Some friends and I were wondering if you could settle a bet: Were Charlie’s last words a condemnation of your work, or merely incomprehensible gurgles of blood?