Aunt Cathy’s Guide To Road Trips
Hello again, chil’un! Oh, sorry. Hello Teen Girl Scientist Monthly fans! This message is coming to you from Nashville Tennessee, home to Elvis, Jack White, Taylor Swift and Scott Hamilton!
Your six favorite people are on a road trip, y’all, heading down to SXSW! We are so excited to play in Austin while the festival is going on, and we’re sure that people will choose to come see us rather than those that are in the festival proper. So, if you’ve got any friends down there in Texas, tell them to check us out! Monday night we’re playing in Memphis, Tuesday night we’re playing Dallas, Wednesday we’ll be in Austin, Thursday is College Station and Friday is Houston. Finally, the whole nation will understand the Teen Girl Scientist Monthly craze that has been sweeping through Williamsburg for the past year and a half, and, frankly, we’re thrilled!
I wanted to take a moment though, while waiting for Gliva to fully awake/animate, to share with you some of my tips for travel. Now, this will really only apply if you’re traveling with your band, or any other group of vagrants that numbers between 4 and 7, but feel free to try to apply it to your wife and child on your next trip to Grandma’s. You may be surprised by the positive results.
1. You can never have too many snacks! Nuts and granola bars are, of course, the best options, but if you have more than two women on your journey, you must sneak some chocolate into the mix, or that long drive through Virginia will get very…..”tense.”
2. If you stop to eat at a Cracker Barrel, don’t pussy out: order the fried chicken.
3. Do not take pictures of people when they are sleeping. It’s rude, and honestly, when the wake up, they will be more alert and stronger than you.
4. Do not worry if you think you lost Matsu at that rest stop in Maryland. He’ll find his way back. He always does.
5. There is never a good enough reason to urinate in the woods or a jar. Stop. Just, stop and use a facility. It’ll take, like, two minutes, guys, really.
6. Do not question or criticize the supplements that Morgan puts into her body. It works, am I right, fellas?
7. Anne still believes in dragons.
8. If there is only one couch where you stop, it goes to Aunt Cathy. Respect your elders.
9. Seriously consider the amount of whiskey you bring in relation to the amount of people you bring. Twice as much is okay. Three times as much is pushing it.
10. NPR is a great way to pass the time, and provides a lovely respite from the voices of your traveling companions, which, halfway through day two, will start to sound like a cross between the teacher from Charlie Brown and the T-Rex roar in Jurassic Park.
11. The games on your phone aren’t that fun. But they’ll do.
12. Road trips would not be possible without the generosity of friends and family, putting carpets under our tired bodies and delicious food in our bellies.
I hope this helps! Come sing and dance with us in Texas, or say hello when we get back! We love you all!